Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize