ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
