Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
