false alarm. still invincible.
nutella sex= disaster
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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