Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
