so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
