so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
