Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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