Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
