i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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