Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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