need another drink. this is the easiest way
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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