Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
