my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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