You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
