Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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