The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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