Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
no, he came in my armpit
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
