you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
