I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
