Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
