Apparently you make a good broom.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
