The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
