I think my fart just growled at me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
people are starting to question the shark bite story
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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