new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
someone owes me an orgasm
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
