Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
