the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
