I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize