Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
is it fun? or sober?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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