you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
