Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
