why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
