Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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