My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
