After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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