There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
