I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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