i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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