so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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