Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
