My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
