He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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