NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
