4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
