Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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