If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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