yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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