i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
