he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
