They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
