DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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