It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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