So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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