it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
