I wish I could punch you in the face.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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