Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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