I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
