who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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