but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
