i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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