I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
