Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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