Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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