Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
