I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
