i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
