i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
