I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
